Friday 21 March 2014

Why Germany is the strongest economic power in Europe*

Or, possible explanations why Deutschland is kicking ass.

1)RUDENESS
One of the few stereotypes that is most definitely true, Germans are extremely straight-talkers. I once asked a friend if she wanted to go out for dinner. The reply: No, I am busy. If I received that in Britain I would be weeping into my duvet, wondering what I had done so wrong to damage our friendship. Unfortunately, now, this lack of politeness has rubbed off on me, and on being called in to be a secretary for my dad a few times this week, I have found myself being extremely German and rather blunt on the phone. I didn’t understand a client, and just spat out ‘WHAT?’.  He was upset, I could tell. Anyway,  if Germany is not wasting time making five words into fifty, they must be doing something else, and I bet it revolves around sealing hard-hitting deals.

2)CASH
They love da dollah! (OK, everyone does, but Gemany loves it in a different way.) They love it in a-you should only ever pay with cash, notes should be stuffed in your wallet, what even IS that bank card you’re waving – kinda way. Want to pay for a 50 cent pretzel with 100 euros? Go ahead! Need to purchase a 10 Euro train ticket with a 50 note? Shove it in the Deutsche Bahn ticket machine and await your reward! (Precisely 40 Euros all in 2 Euro coins).

3)THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WANT
I don’t know what I want. Career-wise, apartment-wise, Erasmus-course-wise, I am in a little bit of a QUARTER LIFE CRISIS. But Germany definitely does know what it wants, and gets it. At the spa, all of the good loungey chairs are always reserved with towels. In the pub, the best table is always reserved for the Stammtisch, the regular guests. At school, you don’t have to apply for university or college courses until you know your grades. German life decisions = stress-free life decisions.

4)TABLE SERVICE
LOVE DA DEUTSCHE
As a result of crowded student bars, I now have remarkably sharp elbows. But these were totally unnecessary in Germany, because even in the busiest of pubs, waiters and waitresses were always on hand to offer more beer and  (expensive) tap water. This is fab, and makes for a much nicer and relaxed evening out, without the obligatory shuffling of chairs every time there is more tequila to be had.

5)FESTIVALS, ALL THE TIME
When I arrived, it was village fairs comprising fire men, horses and a long wooden pole, then it was Oktoberfest, and shortly after that the entire Christmas season began, from the end of November. Traditionally, Christmas decorations are left up until February, and then in early March it is Fasching – a week long festivity of chaos in school and erm, blacking up. On Unsinniger** Thursday there were countless students dressed up as homeless unicorns, cellotape all around the doors (no entry, no lessons!) and no chalk to be found anywhere (Yes, German classrooms still use chalk, but that’s a story for another day). On  the Thursday night, its strictly ladies-only, so if the men want to attend they have to dress like they are not male, and any guys in attendance get their ties scissored off! Maybe the reason behind the efficiency, is that, in Germany, it is always party season.
* For more German statistics, see The World Bank page at http://data.worldbank.org/country/germany#cp_fin
**Unsinniger: absurd, senseless

Thursday 20 March 2014

5 things that the Germans haven’t yet sussed

I have loved living in Germany for the past 6 months, but I have a few (seemingly inexplicable) quibbles:
1) NO FREE TAP WATER
You have a go at ordering the trustworthy Leitungswasser in Germany, and be prepared for scowls and a definite refusal. Even when I have been buying a full lunch, I have always had to pay for tap water aka. the source of all life. The result? Drinking lots of sugar in the form of fizzy drinks and having no money for cakes.
2) NO LADIES FIRST
Stand at a train station, laden down with suitcases, holdalls, handbags and sandwiches, and when the train comes, there will be a river of people elbowing their way in front of you. Coming from a summer in Nepal, where females even get a separate security line at the airport (which was a lot faster than the men’s one), this blatant fight for your life in Europe always comes as a bit of a shock. I am no men-hating, women-rule-da-world kinda girl, but a little bit of chivalry now and again really makes life easier.
3)NO QUEUES
I love a good queue. Everyone knows where they are, approximately how long they will have to wait, and is confident that the world is being run in a fair way. In Germany, you rock up to a sandwich counter, and because you are a foreigner, you won’t know that there is a secret queue. The sandwich man knows who is next. Everyone else, who is standing haphazardly round the baguettes, knows who is next. But if you have just arrived, you do not know what the game is. Indeed, it is a game, complete with elbow tactics and mind games, and loud fierce shouts in German demanding your turn.
4)SANDWICHES
Food is definitely yummy here, but if you’re looking for a good ploughman’s, you won’t find one until you have crossed the sea again. Wraps, chips, schnitzel – Germany has all kinds of  delicious lunchtime delicacies, but a brown bread sandwich will unfortunately not be part of the midday menu.
5)UNFRIENDLY BANKS
Want cash? Better make sure your bank is in the area, because for some reason, banks are very hostile to each other here and don’t like helping out customers of rival banks. Accidentally shove your bank card into the wrong ATM (Say, a Sparkasse card into a Deutsche Post) and be prepared to pay a fee close to what you would if you were using a British bank card! Furthermore, if a bank card is stolen, it will not be cancelled until the customer can name exactly the account details.
Despite these small issues, there is a lot I love about Germany. Stay posted to discover exactly what…
Dressed German but not acting German

Saturday 1 March 2014

The Best Goodbyes

Hindsight will definitely be the best way to look at my time in Bavaria.
Stranded in Bavaria
As the train pulled out of Cham (ironically pronounced ‘calm’ – something I generally was not during my time in the forest), I felt largely a sense of relief that my assistantship had ended. Flowers and various Bavarian goodies were bestowed upon me in the staffroom of Bad Kötzting, a full-blown interview for the local newspaper was arranged, and a table at the Chinese Buffet was reserved for my leaving party. Due to all of the fuss, they are some of the least painful – and best – Goodbyes I have had to say this year. The past 6 months have really highlighted how small the small world is, and I know that there is always a place for me here for a weekend. Saying goodbye to good friends who I will hopefully see again one day was comparatively less painful than snatched hugs at Sheffield station, Munich airport, or my grandparents’ living room. The image of Stephan and Werner, my gay German parents, waving me off on the driveway, with the cat in their arms, will stay with me forever.