Or, possible explanations why Deutschland is kicking ass.
1)RUDENESS
One of the few stereotypes that is most definitely true, Germans are extremely straight-talkers. I once asked a friend if she wanted to go out for dinner. The reply: No, I am busy. If I received that in Britain I would be weeping into my duvet, wondering what I had done so wrong to damage our friendship. Unfortunately, now, this lack of politeness has rubbed off on me, and on being called in to be a secretary for my dad a few times this week, I have found myself being extremely German and rather blunt on the phone. I didn’t understand a client, and just spat out ‘WHAT?’. He was upset, I could tell. Anyway, if Germany is not wasting time making five words into fifty, they must be doing something else, and I bet it revolves around sealing hard-hitting deals.
2)CASH
They love da dollah! (OK, everyone does, but Gemany loves it in a different way.) They love it in a-you should only ever pay with cash, notes should be stuffed in your wallet, what even IS that bank card you’re waving – kinda way. Want to pay for a 50 cent pretzel with 100 euros? Go ahead! Need to purchase a 10 Euro train ticket with a 50 note? Shove it in the Deutsche Bahn ticket machine and await your reward! (Precisely 40 Euros all in 2 Euro coins).
3)THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WANT
I don’t know what I want. Career-wise, apartment-wise, Erasmus-course-wise, I am in a little bit of a QUARTER LIFE CRISIS. But Germany definitely does know what it wants, and gets it. At the spa, all of the good loungey chairs are always reserved with towels. In the pub, the best table is always reserved for the Stammtisch, the regular guests. At school, you don’t have to apply for university or college courses until you know your grades. German life decisions = stress-free life decisions.
4)TABLE SERVICE
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| LOVE DA DEUTSCHE |
As a result of crowded student bars, I now have remarkably sharp elbows. But these were totally unnecessary in Germany, because even in the busiest of pubs, waiters and waitresses were always on hand to offer more beer and (expensive) tap water. This is fab, and makes for a much nicer and relaxed evening out, without the obligatory shuffling of chairs every time there is more tequila to be had.
5)FESTIVALS, ALL THE TIME
When I arrived, it was village fairs comprising fire men, horses and a long wooden pole, then it was Oktoberfest, and shortly after that the entire Christmas season began, from the end of November. Traditionally, Christmas decorations are left up until February, and then in early March it is Fasching – a week long festivity of chaos in school and erm, blacking up. On Unsinniger** Thursday there were countless students dressed up as homeless unicorns, cellotape all around the doors (no entry, no lessons!) and no chalk to be found anywhere (Yes, German classrooms still use chalk, but that’s a story for another day). On the Thursday night, its strictly ladies-only, so if the men want to attend they have to dress like they are not male, and any guys in attendance get their ties scissored off! Maybe the reason behind the efficiency, is that, in Germany, it is always party season.
* For more German statistics, see The World Bank page at http://data.worldbank.org/country/germany#cp_fin
**Unsinniger: absurd, senseless
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